


Mental

by Demonqueen21



Category: Kyou Kara Maou!
Genre: Blood, Bondage, Broken Engagement, Concussions, Domestic Violence, Fairy Tales, Fear, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Bondage, Obsession, Possession, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Self-Hatred, Slave Trading, Stargazing, Uncontrolled Power, hostage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:36:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonqueen21/pseuds/Demonqueen21
Summary: After a surprise visit to Shin Makuko, Yuuri gets kidnapped by bandits. Conrad arrives too late to save him. Will he be able to help his traumatized King? Or will the wall Yuuri builds up around himself be too much, even for the love of his life?





	1. Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I first started this back in middle school on FFN, so it's been through quite a lot of re-writes. I don't really remember where I was going with it back then, so I'm basically winging it as I write. If you have any HC or anything you want to see, PM me or LINE or smth and chat with me. I'm friendly, I promise!

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh  
Pairing: Conyuu  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
Warnings: Rape, Bondage, Blood, Underage

Mental  
Ch 1: Hurt

Coughing up water, the young boy looks around as he, once again, finds himself in a strange forested area. Shivering with the light breeze, he attempts to shake the water from his hair and runs his thin fingers through his charcoal bangs. He sighed, happy at least that he was wearing his uniform, so he wasn’t freezing. He looks up to the evening sun as it glows those oranges and reds behind the thick forested surroundings. The quiet of the forest seemingly unsettles him as he waits. And waits. And waits.

  
Nervously glancing around, the young teen begins to anxiously pace as the sun falls lower and lower behind the horizon. Someone should have come for me by now. Where could they be?

  
His pacing has begun to leave its toll on the dirt beneath him. A thin line forms as his feet travel back and forth. A rustle in the nearby bushes shocks him, and instantly he's washed with relief.

  
"Conrad! I was starting to think you forgot about me," he laughs as he walks towards the sound. But what he was expecting was not who was standing before him now.

  
Three men were facing him, all rugged wearing dark browns and belts with bags and knives hanging off. They looked shocked.  
“Look at that, Boss! It must be our lucky day if we found a Double Black,” the man quickly unsheathed his knife and lunged at Yuuri, pinning him to a nearby tree, knife against the thin flesh covering his throat.

  
“Hey! Let me go!” Yuuri cried out, desperately clawing at the gloved hand holding the knife. It was no use, though. He was much stronger than the young teen.

“Well, then. We can make quite a pretty purse off of him,” one of the men said, most likely the boss in charge. He came closer and roughly grabbed Yuuri’s jaw, tilting his head to look at his black eyes. The young teen didn’t budge an inch. Sure, he was fucking terrified out of his mind. He wanted nothing more than to run into his gallant knight’s arms and hug him. But Conrad wasn’t here. It was only Yuuri and these three goons in front of him. He had to be strong. The boss just laughed at the sight.

  
“He’s sure got guts, don’t he? Damn, he’s cute, too. Best be sure to take care of him until we get to train him. I want to thoroughly tame him, gets more profit that way,” he grinned with his crooked teeth. Yuuri gritted his teeth. He didn’t exactly know what they were talking about, but whatever it was, he knew it wasn’t good. He looked around, his eyes begging for Conrad to appear, but no such luck.

  
“Come on, Double Black. Be good now,” the man released the knife from his throat, and that’s when Yuuri took his chance. He gave a swift kick to his groin and took off running. He disappeared into the thick trees around him, and he could hear the screams coming from behind him. He didn’t stop, he didn’t care. He just ran, and ran, and ran. Anything to get away. The tree branches swatted at his face, the roots tangled around his feet, he fell, hard, and got back up running. He knew if he stopped for even a second, they’d catch up.

  
But what he didn’t know is they were already caught up.

  
He felt a hand grab his collar and pull back, choking him. He gasped and coughed as he was thrown against the ground. A thick root smacked him across his shoulder blades knocking the wind right out of him. He desperately tried to breath before a heavy foot stomped on his chest. He looked up in time to see a fist coming towards his face, before everything went black.

  
It felt like he was under for ten minutes at most, but it was already dark outside. Or, he thought so at least. His head was dizzy and throbbing. It took him a minute to even be able to see straight. He looked around to see stone floors and stone walls. He tried to move his hands to rub his throbbing head, but he realized they were in chains connecting to the roof. If he moved, he could hear the rattle echo between the cold stone walls. He was kneeling on the floor, the chains just barely long enough to let him do that.

  
The dark moonlight barely shone through a small slit high in the wall, just barely enough to let him see. He looked around, now realizing his jacket was taken off. It was ripped up in the corner of the cell, along with Julia’s necklace. A bottle was next to his shreds, and he idly wondered what it was. He looked down to see the top three buttons of his shirt popped off, and some purple marks on the top of his chest. Just low enough for him to be able to see. The sight made him queasy.

  
He breathed. Calm down. It’s okay. Conrad would be here soon. Ulrike will let them know, and Conrad would save him. He was safe. He was perfectly fine. And for a second, he believed that.

  
Until those three captors stood at the entrance to his cell. The boss man was holding a knife with a twisted grin on his face.

  
“Well, well, well. Looks like he’s finally awake,” his voice was sharp and cruel, like it was ripping the air in two.

  
“What are you going to do?” his voice was shaking, but he managed a sharp glare. The goons only laughed.

“Look at this punk! Acting all high and mighty while shaking like a baby chick!”

“Don’t worry, we just want to play a little game with you,” they were laughing as the cell door was unlocked. Yuuri was shaking and they could all hear the chains clacking together. He slowly scooted as far away from them as the bondages would allow. Stop shaking. Stop shaking. He had to be strong. Be brave. Wait for Conrad. He would save him. So please, just stop shaking.

“Stay away from me,” he warned. “I have Maryoku, and I won’t go easy on you if you come any closer.” The three goons just laughed.

“We’re not afraid of a bitch like you. We know you can’t use it,” one of them stepped forwards and roughly grabbed his hair to pull his head up. “That bottle in the corner? Yeah, that. It’s a nice little drug that seals up all your magic.”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. That was his ace-in-the-hold if need by, and damn, does it need be right about now. His whole body was shaking in fear, and the grip in his hair only tightened. He man kneeled down and bit his neck. Yuuri cried out in pain and fear. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want this. Conrad. Please, Conrad. Where are you?

He grabbed his shirt and quickly ripped the rest of the buttons off. They popped and flew in all directions. He pulled his hair and rammed is lips on the quivering boy, slipping a tongue in his mouth, licking and sucking greedily. Yuuri tried to scream, but they were muffled by the harsh kiss. His mouth went down to his collarbone and started licking and sucking and biting. He pulled away with drool leading to another large purple mark. He stood up, and Yuuri sighed with relief.

Until he saw him unbutton his pants.

Yuuri was scared. He was terrified. His world was crashing down before him. That thing could split him in half for crying out loud! He grabbed his hair again and pulled his head forward. Yuuri kept his mouth shut tight and tears sprung around his eyes as the thick cock was rubbed against his cheek and lips. A sticky goo was left behind in a thin trail on his face. He was shaking.

“Come on, boy. Open up wide,” the man cooed as he pulled his hair. Yuuri gritted his teeth as the tears started to fall. What was he supposed to do? Where was Conrad? Why was this happening? The man took his free hand to grip Yuuri’s chin, his thumb pulling his lower lip down. He forced his thumb in-between his teeth spreading his mouth before forcing himself inside. Yuuri coughed and gagged, his throat was burning and the tears wouldn’t stop falling. It was warm inside, and he couldn’t breathe. The feeling made him sick.

He kept moving in and out, deeper each time. Yuuri was gagging and shaking, desperately trying to pull his head back, desperately wanting air, desperately wanting to run away. His screams were muffled and his eyes burned. Why was this happening? He felt a cold hand gropping his chest, searching. He pinched Yuuri’s nipples and pulled it, making him cry a muffled cry before gagging. Yuuri did the only thing he thought he could do to make this nightmare stop.

He bit down.

He bit down as hard as he could and tasted blood.

“AHH! WHAT IN HELL BITCH ASS FUCKER!” he felt a sharp punch against his face and his ears were ringing. His ear clogged up as a thick ooze of blood dripped down his jaw. “You little fuckface! I’ll show you who’s fucking in charge here!” He reached for a knife from his pants and quickly pulled it out, slashing it against his chest. Yuuri cried out in pain as the warm liquid dripped down his bare skin. The ends of his shirt started to dye red as he felt the stinging radiate through his body. Another cut. This time on his arm. His sleeve tore and blood dripped down to his shoulder, white turning to red.

“Please...P-Please. Stop,” he was shaking, begging. His throat was dry, his eyes were burning, his chest and arm were sticking. The blood poured down his chest, his arm, his face. Salty tears were dyed red before falling. Conrad. Please, Conrad. Save me.

“Like Hell I will after that stunt you pulled, Double Black,” he grabbed his hair again and pulled, hard. Yuuri cried out as he kneeled in front of him, staring into his eyes. He slid the knife under his waistband, and pulled it down, nicking his thigh in the process. Then the other side. His pants were ripped off as blood pooled beneath him. He grabbed his wet legs and pulled them wide. “You’re quite lucky, kid. All this blood here will make great lube.”

Yuuri was crying. He was shaking. His face was flushed red embarrassed at being spread wide like that. He closed his eyes and looked away as he felt something hot prodding against him. The pain shot through his hips and lower back, and he couldn’t hold back the scream. It felt like he was being ripped in half. There was no stretching, only tearing and pain. His nerves were on fire, and he was shaking as the sobs came. He didn’t try to be brave anymore. He screamed and cried and shook, the chains clattering in the background. His body ached, his cuts stung, he silently begged for death. Anything. Just please, not this. No more.

He went faster and deeper. Yuuri felt the blood pool beneath him. It was warm and slippery and made him sick. He couldn’t look at him, so he just held his eyes tightly closed waiting for it to be over. When he finally pulled out, Yuuri looked to see him cumming all over his chest. Some splattered across his cheek as he flinched at the sight. He was panting and gasping for air between sobs. The guy only laughed as the ran his hand across his chest, mixing the cum with blood. It was sickening. But at least it was over.

“My turn.”

He could only stare blankly at the other man now within the cell, stripping his pants down. No. No no no no. Please. Conrad. Help. Please. Every push and pull felt like he was being torn in two. Blood and cum was everywhere. His face, his chest, his legs. His arms ached from being held above him and he felt the burning pain shoot up his spine with every thrust. It was only until after all three of them had their way that they left.

Yuuri realized then that he was truly alone. Conrad wasn’t coming for him. No one was going to save him. He was going to be raped and sold. And he was alone.

That thought was scarier than what happened.

They came the next night. And the one after that. Repeating the same actions each time. Shove it down his throat, beat him and cut him whenever he struggled, fuck him until all three of them are satisfied, and then leave him there soaking in his own blood mixed with their cum. By the third night, he was too dehydrated to even cry. His blood loss made him dizzy, and he couldn’t focus. He couldn’t even look at them anymore. He didn’t have enough energy to even lift his head. Was it just from blood loss? Or did they break his spirit too? He didn’t know. He couldn’t even think. His mind was blank.  
“Hey! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” he felt a sharp kick to his ribs. The pain shot around his sides, following the bone. His empty eyes watched as a portion of his ribs sunk inwards when he breathed in instead of all going outwards like it should. That was a broken bone. That was a very painful broken bone. He should cry out in pain. Pain from the bone, or pain from his hips? Could he even cry out if he tried? He watched his side sink in with his breathing and realized it hurt. It hurt a lot. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt.

The same guy pulled his hair forcing him to look him in the eyes. What he saw was only empty black pupils staring past him. He smiled.

“Looks like you’re finally getting the picture here, huh? Almost ready to sell, Boss.”

“Good. Don’t waste any time, then. Hurry it up.”

He didn’t waste any time.

Yuuri could only stare at his blood soaked chest going in different directions as he shakily breathed. He couldn’t even feel the pain anymore. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. He couldn’t think. His vision was fuzzy. He couldn’t do anything except watch his chest rise and fall and listen to the chains clatter.

Until he heard the sweetest sound in the world.

“Yuuri! Yuuri! Yuuri!” It was Conrad. His beloved knight had finally come. This wasn’t a hallucination, right? Conrad was really here, right? Conrad was coming to save him, right? Right? Yuuri tried to lift his head up to see, but couldn’t. It felt like a bowling ball was on his neck, and he had no energy to look up.

He heard a gasp. Conrad’s gasp. There were yells and the sharp clashing of metal against metal rang out. Those men were going to die. Conrad was going to kill them all. Yuuri had to stop him. He had to tell him to stop. He heard screams. He heard the blood splattering against the walls. His stomach churned. It was sickening. Conrad. No. Please, stop. Don’t kill them. Don’t.

The words wouldn’t come. His lips wouldn’t even move. He heard his chains clinking before his arms fell down. He fell forward directly into Conrad’s arms. His coat was splattered red, but after holding Yuuri, it would be even more red. He wanted to apologize for ruining his jacket, but instead, he closed his eyes.

“Yuuri! Are you alright? Please, speak to me! Yuuri!” Conrad was pleading. Yuuri tried to open his mouth. Tried to say he’s fine. Tried to just open his eyes. But nothing happened. He didn’t even have enough energy to open his eyes. He felt Conrad take his jacket off and wrap it around his shoulders. He lifted him up, and Yuuri would probably have screamed out in pain if he could have felt anything. He carried Yuuri away, stopping for a moment to kneel down again, before finally taking him to safety.

When Yuuri finally opened his eyes again, he saw a very worried Conrad hovering over him. He felt the soft bed beneath him, and looked down to see the bandages covering his chest and arm. He shifted his weight before cringing in pain.

“Yuuri, thank Shinou. Stay still, you need to rest. You have a floating rib and lost a lot of blood. Extremely dehydrated, too. Please, don’t try to move just yet,” Conrad was frowning. His voice was shaking. How unlike him. Yuuri’s injuries must be really bad to make him lose his composure like this. He turned his head and gave a weak smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a hoarse croak escaped his lips. Conrad quickly grabbed a glass of water and held it against his lips. The cool liquid dripped down the sides of his mouth, but it was enough.

“Th...anks. I’m...good,” Yuuri whispered with a smile. His throat was burning and his mouth was dry. He wanted nothing more than just to curl up in a ball and die, but he had to be strong for Conrad. He had to smile. He was safe now. He just hoped Conrad wouldn’t think any less of him. He wanted to tell him he loved him, he wanted to hug him, he wanted to be held by him. He loved him with all his heart, but after what happened…

No one would ever love him.


	2. Pathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-hatred.

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh  
Pairing: Conyuu  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything   
Warnings: Angst, PTSD

Mental  
Ch 2: Pathetic

It was three days until he was able to sit up on his own. So Yuuri sat in that little bed within the cabin Conrad had taken him to, with a glass of water in his hands. His wrists were bandaged up, the chains dug in and made him bleed. He started shaking at the thought. Why? Why did that have to happen? Even worse, Conrad saw him like that. The only person he had ever loved had to see him covered in his own blood and someone else’s cum. The tears burned at the back of his eyes as he shakily raised the glass to his lips.  
What did Conrad think of him? Was he ashamed? Disgusted? He was only staying here out of patriotism to his king. Yuuri couldn’t look him in the eyes. He knew what face he’d be making anyway. His usual warm smile and kind eyes would be replaced his that sad, fake smile trying to cheer him up. His eyes would be cold, wishing to kill those jackasses all over again. Yuuri could still hear their screams when Conrad’s sword cut through their flesh. The thought made him shiver. He couldn’t stop him. They were dead because of him. Yes, they did terrible things to him, but he didn’t want them to die because of it.   
“Are you in pain, Heika?” Conrad asked for the third time. His voice was different. Aloof. He was straining to get every word out of that damn fake smile.   
“I’m okay, Conrad.”  
“Is there anything you need, Heika?” He asked for the seventh time.  
“I’m okay, Conrad.”  
“Would you like some more water, Heika?” He asked for the twelfth time.   
“I’m okay, Conrad.”  
“Would you like some food, Heika?” He asked for the fifth time.  
“Conrad.”  
“Yes, Heika?”  
“I’m okay. Please,” his voice was thin. All Yuuri wanted was to be alone for a bit, but also to be wrapped in Conrad’s arms. He figured Conrad was only looking at him with disdain at this point, so he would rather be alone than looked at like that by the one he loved. He didn’t deserve Conrad. He didn’t deserve his kindness, his smile, his eyes, and definitely not his love. He was lower than trash that nobody needed. “I just...want to be alone for a little bit.”  
“Of course, Heika. Please don’t hesitate to call me for anything,” he gave a sad smile and bowed before getting up and slowly shutting the door behind him. As soon as Yuuri couldn’t hear the footsteps anymore, he pulled his knees up to his chest, wincing at the pain. His forehead rested against his knees as the tears fell down. His chest was hurting, and so was his injuries, but he deserved it all. After what happened, he didn’t deserve anyone’s kindness. He sat there in a ball and cried.  
“My name is Yuuri. Call me Yuuri, Conrad. Please…” he silently whispered as the tears just kept coming. “Please, call me by my name.”  
He fell into a restless sleep.   
When he finally woke up, he cried out when he tried to sit up. His hand automatically went to the bandages on his chest and came back red and sticky. It was blood. What happened to his stitches? He remembered a terrible dream, maybe he pulled them out? This nightmare haunts his waking life and his dreams, doesn’t it? He just wanted to forget this monstrosity, but it didn’t look like that was ever going to happen. He heard quick footsteps before the door to his room burst open. He looked up to see a panicked face holding a drawn sword. His eyes softened after looking around, and he sheathed his sword.   
“You’re bleeding, Heika. What happened to your stitches?” He walked over and kneeled in front of the younger man, pulling out a first aid kit from next to the bed. Yuuri averted his gaze as Conrad re-patched him up. He was shaking at the touch and the tears just came. They wouldn’t stop. Why wouldn’t they stop? He felt Conrad’s strong arms wrap around his slender, shaking shoulders. He gasped, surprised at the gesture.   
“I’m sorry, Heika. I really am. Please, Heika, don’t be afraid. No matter what happens, everyone will still love you. This wasn’t your fault. This wasn’t your fault at all. So please, I’m begging you. You don’t have to be afraid,” he whispered into the shaking teen’s ear. Yuuri couldn’t hold back after that. He was crying, sobbing. Conrad stroked his fingers through his soft, charcoal hair and held him close. His arms were strong and warm. Comforting. Yuuri wanted nothing more than to just freeze that moment. To stay in those arms forever. He fell asleep crying in his love’s arms, and even after what happened, he felt happy.   
The next night, the same horrible nightmare replayed itself, over and over again. Yuuri woke up hearing a dreadful scream. He quickly looked around, only to realized it was him screaming. Conrad burst through the door once again ready for action. He relaxed after seeing no imminent threat to his king. He walked over and placed a hand on the young boy’s shoulder, but Yuuri didn’t feel that warm calloused hand he loved. He felt a greedy, bloodied hand that wanted his body. He couldn’t help himself, he involuntarily flinched away and immediately regretted it. Conrad pulled his hand back and bowed.   
“I’m so sorry, Heika. Please forgive me,” he said at the doorway before closing the door gently behind him. Yuuri looked down at his lap in shame. What was happening? He hated this. Conrad hugged him and even said ‘love’ to him, but all he could think about was those monsters touching him. He even flinched away from the only man he would ever love. What was he doing?! Why?!   
He laid down in bed and cried. Every time he just closed his eyes he could see the blood. The cum. His body still ached at the feeling of being torn in two. His stomach churned at the thought. Think of something else. Anything else. Please, Shinou. Let this nightmare end. If Shori ever found out…  
The thought made him homesick. He wanted to be back home, wrapped in his bed, eating his mother’s curry, while listening to his brother rant about him not being a girl. He missed his family. He wanted a hug. He wanted Conrad. How pathetic was that? It felt like a silver bullet was shot right through his heart, shattering it. Wanting home, wanting Conrad, wanting to forget, wanting comfort, wanting isolation. He closed his eyes. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and he was completely exhausted and in pain.  
Sadness, desperation, confusion, fear. All these feelings mixed around in his chest. He was scared. Scared of what happened, scared of his dreams, but worst of all, scared of his love. He was the Demon King himself, how pathetic can he get?   
Just how pathetic was he?


	3. Concussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri has a concussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only half know how concussions work. Sorry.

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh  
Pairing: Conyuu  
Rating: T for language   
Disclaimer: I don't own anything   
Warnings: Angst

Mental  
Ch 3: Concussion

After that night, Conrad wouldn’t touch him. No idle caresses. No stroking his hair. No holding his hand. No hugs. Nothing. He wouldn’t touch the young king, and would barely looked at him. Yuuri idly wondered if he would ever feel those rough, yet gentle, fingers glide down his cheek as a caress. His smile would never again be the same when it was directed towards him, nor shall it be real. Just a fake disguise to mask his true expressions of disgust and shame.  
Yuuri would forever and always just be that kid who Conrad only sees as platonic. After all, why would he ever be interested in a child as stupid and troublemaking as him? There is no reason, and after seeing him like that, there will never be. He sighed. He had to face the facts. Conrad is out of his league and is straight. Yuuri closed his eyes. Great. Now he’s a homosexual pervert along with a pathetic excuse for a king.   
He couldn’t take it anymore. His head is muddled with confusion and stress and fear. He slowly lies back down so he wouldn’t hurt himself more than he already has. He idly drifts off into his own fantasy world where Conrad would love him regardless of what happened. He started crying. Why couldn’t that be real? He shook as he cried himself to sleep.  
When the sun was shining across his eyes, Yuuri slowly opened them to see Conrad’s lean figure standing high above the little bed. He was pouring a glass of water, and Yuuri watched as his vision started getting spotty. Or was it always spotty? Wait...spots?  
Conrad turn to see the young boy making a fuss. His shoulders were taut ready to spring into action if need be. He gently placed a hand against the king’s forehead to check his temperature. Those cool fingers pressed against his flesh made the boy remember the same icy fingers groping his chest. He gasped out and slapped the hand away. Wait, no. That was Conrad. Why did he slap his hand away? Why?  
“Heika, what seems to be the problem? You have a fever, please try to rest,” Conrad spoke softly and monotonously. No emotion was given in his voice, which only broke Yuuri’s heart more. He swallowed before replying.   
“I-I’m seeing sports. I...Everything...is spotted.”  
“It’s okay, Heika. That’s a normal side effect of a concussion. I suspected you’ve had one. Can you remember if any of those...if you hit your head?” Conrad spoke slowly and carefully.  
“C-Concussion? Ah...yeah. My ear was bleeding. So...you mean, I have a concussion?”  
“I believe so. How long have you been seeing spots, Heika?”  
“I, uh...I don’t know. I just now realized it, but...I think they’ve been there for awhile,” Yuuri played baseball, so it’s not like he was around concussions often. He didn’t exactly know what to expect with them. He looked up at those blank hazel eyes for the first time in what felt like years. “Wh-What else is going to happen? More than spots?” His voice sounded like a scared child’s.  
“The most common things are headaches, nausea, and vision issues. We’ll have to get you treatment fast if it is a concussion. I’ve already sent out a messenger bird, so a medic and a carriage should be here soon. Don’t worry, Heika,” he gave an empty smile, and Yuuri only swallowed and nodded. Conrad sat in a chair next to the bed until Yuuri fell asleep again. He wanted to make sure he’d be okay before leaving to check up on things.   
It wasn’t until the moon was high in the sky that Yuuri woke up. He looked around for Conrad, who was nowhere to be seen. He was probably in his own room. A nice, shiny glass of water caught his eye as he realized just how dry his throat was. He moved to sit up and reach for the glass before toppling over. His head was spinning and the moving spots reminded him of a bad American 70’s movie he watched with his dad once. His stomach was spinning almost as badly as his head was and he felt a warm burn creep up his chest as a bitter taste flashed at the back of his throat.   
Turns out he can only move in very slow, very short movements, otherwise he ends up on the floor writhing in pain. He heard a loud crash and though for a moment he had accidentally knocked the glass to the ground. Turns out it was just himself crashing to the floor.   
At least his head wasn’t spinning as badly if he was laying down.  
Conrad came into the room to help him up. Or, at least, he thinks it was Conrad? It has to be, he’s the only other one in the cabin. But for some reason, he can’t quite remember if it was Conrad or not? A blanket fell on top of him after he was lifted back to bed. Did he fight back at the touch? Or was his nausea enough to calm him down? His hand stung. Did he land on his hand? Why couldn’t he remember clearly? His head felt like it was swimming.  
Either way, morning came, and along with it, Conrad. Yuuri looked up to see his cheek swollen. He let out a shocked gasp.  
“Ohjeez, Conrad! What happened to cheek?” Yuuri remembered his hand stinging in the middle of the night and a slight struggle. Was there a struggle? He sat up too quickly, and held his head in his hand before laying back down. Conrad didn’t know whether to help him or leave him be. The sight of his king, his secret love, suffering like this tore his heart in two. But he was just his retainer. What right did he have to do anything when Yuuri was already betrothed, to his little brother no less? Just swallow your feelings down. Swallow them down and smile.  
“This is nothing, Heika. Please don’t worry about me,” swallow your feelings down and smile. Smile.  
“Whadya mean it’s nuthing? Did I do tha to yu? Why can I worry! I’rr find out eventurry!” The young boy was shouting absolute nonsense at a wide eyed soldier. Yuuri doesn’t think he’s ever seen Conrad’s face so shocked before. “Why can I worry! Just let me do thaaa! Why won’t yu eva tell meh anythind!” Tears were brimming at his eyes, threatening to overflow. He quickly wiped them away. He hated this. He hated this. He hated this! Why was he making such a fuss? He was acting like a child. He didn’t even really care, he was use to Conrad hiding his real emotions behind a masked smile, so why was he getting upset now?  
“I-I’m...Your Majest. Please, forgive me for my impudence. I never intended to upset you, Heika,” Yuuri was surprised to hear his stoic knight stutter. He must have really shocked him for that to happen.   
“Damn it, Conrad,” the tears were falling as the younger boy quickly wiped them away. “Just shush up. I donn wanna hear it.”  
“Please forgive me, Heika.”  
“It’s YUURI DAMN IT!” The young king screamed as he threw his pillow at the older man. That was a very bad idea, however, because after the pillow went flying, the young king slowly fell to the floor, too. Or at least he would have, if Conrad didn’t step in to catch him. He wrapped his arms around his slim shoulders and helped him back up in bed.  
“Please be careful, Yuuri. You need to rest,” Conrad whispered, hiding all the pain.   
“Yeah...I’m sorry,” Yuuri lied back down in bed as Conrad fixed his pillow and blanket. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to throw things at you.”  
“It’s okay, Yuuri. Concussions can make your irritable and slur your speech, too. When we get back to the castle, things will be better.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Please get some rest. Is there anything else you need, Yuuri?”  
A kiss. A hug. For you to tell me you love me. For you to tell me you love me even after what happened. For you to stay by my side. For you to never leave me. Hold my hand. Stay with me.  
“I’m fine, Conrad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If my concussion facts are wrong, please let me know. I do fencing, so my injuries are cuts/bruises/sprains/strains/hyper-extensions. Concussions are not my forte. I know the signs and symptoms, but I've never actually been through it to know the feeling. I'm sorry for anything that's written wrong!


	4. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri wants to go stargazing to calm himself.

Rated T  
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters   
Pairing: Conyuu  
Warning: Trigger, Angst, PTSD 

Mental  
Chapter 4: Stars

The small cabin was suffocating. It’s been over a week since Yuuri was brought here. Conrad can’t leave him alone because of the concussion, and he didn’t come with anyone else. The capital was sent a messenger pigeon, so help should be here soon. Due to the trauma from his injuries, or the trauma from the concussion, neither one of them really knows, everything has been hazy for the young king. The days blur together and the only thing that makes him realize time is passing by is the stars. They were always his favorite. It was night now, and he wanted to see the stars. He couldn’t bear to be locked in this tiny room any longer.  
Yuuri slowly creep his way out into the hall, silent as the night. He was barely clothed in a button up Conrad brought and a pair of my school pants look-a-like he has. Wait. Look-a-like? Wouldn’t they just be the actual uniform pants? But for some reason, it just feels like they aren’t. His gut twists, and a wave of nausea overtakes him.   
I think I’m gonna hurl.   
Instead, all he can muster up the energy to do is just slide onto the floor and lay there for what seems like an eternity of nauseous hell. Jesus Christ how do football players deal with concussions all the time? He’s glad he plays baseball. The young boy closes his eyes for just a moment to wait for the spell to pass, it shouldn’t take long and then he can go watch the stars.  
“Heika!” he hears a scream and bolts open his eyes. “Heika! Hey, hey! You’re okay, you’re okay. It’s okay. Don’t worry, shhh. It’s okay,” Conrad is hovering over him and strokes a hand through his hair just barely touching him.   
“What’s wrong Conrad? I was just laying down for a moment before going to see the stars,” he mumbles. Strange, his throat feels too dry to speak above a whisper. He should probably ask for something to drink.   
“Heika, it’s already daytime,” Conrad gives a sad smile and slowly pulls the teen up so he can lean against the wall in the hallway.  
“Daytime? B-but I came out when the stars were up...you mean...I missed them?” That weak, hoarse voice cracks like some pre-pubescent child and his eyes pool up with tears. He doesn’t even know why, they just start flowing.   
“Heika-”  
“It’s YUURI DAMNIT!” He lashes out at Conrad, tears falling down his slender face and body, trembling. He can’t tell if he’s upset over sleeping through the night and missing the stars, about the injury, about not completely remembering how I got the injury, about not exactly wanting to remember, about Conrad never using his name no matter how many times he asks, or about his own feelings for Conrad that he knows he can never voice. The shocked look on his face immediately makes a wave of guilt poor over the young boy. He was only trying to help him…  
“I-I’m sorry…” the teen whimpers out and wipe the tears away. No matter how much he wipes and wipes, they just keep coming. A warmth surrounds his back and he sees Conrad loosely fitting his jacket around his slender shoulders.  
“Yuuri, it’s okay. You don’t need to cry. Let’s get some food and water in you, and you’ll feel much better,” Conrad slowly and calmly speaks, like the teen is an injured animal, and gives that reassuring smile which sends a tingle down my spine. It was the first real smile the boy had seen since his accident. What exactly was his accident again? Most likely a car crash, or in this case, carriage crash, with the injuries he was sporting.   
“Right…” he slowly whispers as he pulls Conrad’s jacket tightly around himself. It smells like his warm, earthy scent and a tinge of musky sweat. It’s comforting and relaxing and it feels like Conrad is the one hugging him. He could only wish he was the one hugging him instead of some jacket. Yuuri wishes he would hold his hand. He wishes he would hold him while he slept. He wishes he wasn’t disgusted by what happened to him. Wait. What did happen to him? Why would Conrad be disgusted? Everything seems to just blur together and the king can barely remember anything now. Except for Conrad. He would always remember everything about Conrad. Because...he loves him. He feels the tears coming again and he can’t stop them. He’s hugging his knees against a wall in the hallway of some cabin wrapped in the jacket of the man he is head over heels in love with sobbing while he’s gently stroking his hair.   
“It’s okay, Yuuri. We can watch the stars together tonight, okay? I’ll show you my favorite constellations, okay? So you don’t need to cry, okay? I’m right by your side, Yuuri. I’ll always be right by your side, in this life and the next,” he slowly whispers in his ear, and wraps his arms around him, never stopping his gentle fingers running through my hair. His warmth. His hug. His comfort.  
It felt disgusting. Why? Why did his touch make my skin burn? Yuuri loved him, so why?  
It was enough to tear his heart in two.


	5. Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is starting to cling to Conrad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing has changed drastically since I first started this in 2009, and I appreciate any comments you guys have regarding style, story, updates, whatever! I’d love to hear from you! I have only a slight plan for this story, so I’m mainly just going to see where the writing takes me. I hope it turns out decent enough for you.

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh  
Pairing: Conyuu  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything   
Warnings: Angst, PTSD

Mental  
Ch 5: Relax

After two more days, a carriage finally arrived. Conrad quickly ushered the young king into it and the driver took off. Yuuri felt anxious riding inside, still thinking his accident was from a carriage crash. Conrad assured him for the fourth time they were safe. He had started to return to his normal smiles, which comforted the boy more than any words ever would. Why had he stopped smiling again?  
A large bump in the road interrupted his thoughts. He panicked and looked at his knight, who told him to relax. It was a forest road after all. Things would get bumpy. Yuuri calmed down for a bit, before another large ditch or root or something sent the carriage shaking and the young king flying forwards. He ended up kneeling between the two seats, his head pressed against Conrad’s stomach as his hands rested on the bench.   
“Are you okay, Heika?” Conrad gently placed a hand on his head and another on his shoulder. This time, Yuuri didn’t feel that sense of dread or sludge of guilt and disgust. It was those same comforting hands. He relaxed a bit, trying to remember the last time he was so peaceful. He wrapped his arms around Conrad’s waist and nuzzled into him.  
“I’m fine, Conrad. Can I just stay here? It’s relaxing,” he mumbled, already dozing off. His knight didn’t know whether to be happy or surprised. Just a few days ago this same boy was crying as he slapped his hand away at the faintest of touches. He smiled and gently stroked that soft, onyx hair. He was happy his Yuuri was finally returning to his old self again.  
“Of course, I don’t mind, Heika.” Yuuri nuzzled closer into his stomach and mumbled his reply.  
“Call me Yuuri. You’re the one who named me after all,” Conrad chuckled and continued to pet him.  
“Of course, Yuuri.” After a few more bumps along the way, the road eventually evened out and yet, Yuuri still stayed nuzzled against Conrad. He had fallen asleep and the older man could only chuckle at how cute this kid was. It’s been awhile since he realized his admiration was more than just a soldier’s generic patriotism. He was in love with his king. He was so in love with him, but he’s just a soldier. And his king is betrothed to his little brother. He wasn’t worthy of Yuuri.  
He couldn’t even protect Yuuri.  
He failed at his most important job in the world.  
He continued to stroke his soft hair watching his face scrunch up in his sleep. He squeezed Conrad’s waist in his sleep and mumbled senseless babble. Conrad stroked his hair and his face relaxed just ever so slightly. He hated seeing his love have nightmares like this, but it also gave him a sense of pride that his touch made him relax like this. Even if he couldn’t have him, even if he couldn’t save him, he can at least give him this small comfort. Just how far could he push his luck? He leaned down and whispered in his ear.  
“I love you, Yuuri.”  
Silence.  
He breathed a sigh of relief. He could feel his heart pitter-pattering like crazy. What was he thinking? If Yuuri had woken up, his career would be over, most likely his life, too. Yuuri wouldn’t give the sentence, but the court sure would. He looked out the window at the passing trees trying to calm himself down. He was throwing away all his reason over this boy. He loved him dearly, didn’t he?  
The rest of the trip was quiet. Yuuri woke up just before reaching the main castle and sat up with a blush on his face. Conrad only smiled at him. The carriage pulled up and he opened the door. He held a hand out to help the young king down. Most of the effects of the concussion had faded and his reflexes were quite good again, but it was still safest to get him check out by a medic, regardless.  
“Heeeeeeiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!” A flash of long, silver hair appeared before the knight’s eyes before he could stop him. Günter had just barely wrapped his arms around his beloved king before the boy pushed him away with a shrieking cry. Shocked, Günter stood there, along with the rest of the castle nobility, watching as Yuuri fell to the ground sobbing. His slender body was shaking as the tears flowed down his face. Conrad kneeled down next to him calling for a healer, to take him to his chambers, to not touch him. Quickly, calm him down. Yuuri desperately clung one hand in his hair and the other on Conrad’s sleeve as he spat directions. His hand was so small and so shaky. The medics came with a stretcher to take Yuuri away, but he was desperately clinging onto Conrad’s sleeve. He pulled the fabric out of his grasp as one of the healers relaxed his mind. Once he was out of sight, Conrad turned around to face heavy looks of shock in his direction. The fiercest one being from his blond, little brother, and the fiance of the king.  
“What in bloody hell’s name did you do to him.”


	6. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wolf tries to comfort Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uni is starting up again soon, so updates will be slow and short, but I hope you all can still enjoy it! Thank you for reading!

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh  
Pairing: Conyuu, WolfYuu  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything   
Warnings: PTSD, Obsession? Borderline Obsession?

Mental  
Ch 6: Comfort

It had been a day and a half since then. Conrad and the others came and went, a medic was always in the room, switching out for shifts to monitor the maoh, while Wolfram silently sat in a little chair next to the bed, never once leaving his side. Conrad would come and bring him a tray of food and tea, which he never touched. In fact, he never even looked at the end table it was placed on. Günter would visit with Gwendal, but the two never stayed for long. It was uncomfortable with Wolfram silently brooding, never looking away from Yuuri. Conrad came whenever he had a moment to spare, for Yuuri’s sake and Wolfram’s.  
“I know you’re worried, Wolf, but please try to eat,” he flashed his signature smile expecting one of his little brother’s retorts, only to be met with silence. Wolfram didn’t even turn his head to look at his brother. He kept his eyes fixated on Yuuri’s sleeping face. It was contorted and scrunched up, like he was in pain. The healers relaxed him as much as they could but were worried about him waking up if they did anymore. Wolfram only listened to the healers speaking, never actually interacting with them himself.   
“N...st...p,” Yuuri mumbled, barely getting the sounds out of his clenched teeth. Wolfram shook out of his catatonic state to stand next to his bed. His hand rested on the blankets as Conrad and the healer rushed over. Yuuri’s eyes shot open. It took him a moment to orientate himself, first looking at Wolfram’s concerned face hovering over him before fixating his gaze on Conrad standing on the other side of the bed. He blinked slowly as he started to relax and sit up.   
“Don’t move so quickly, Yuuri. You’re weak,” Wolfram reached out to touch his shoulder without even thinking about it. Conrad quickly yelped at him to wait, but the damage was already done. Wolfram had barely touched him before feeling a sharp sting on the back of his hand. Yuuri’s eyes grew wide in terror as he desperately slapped his hand away. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to say anything. His shoulders were trembling as tears started to well up in his black eyes. Wolfram pulled his hand back as anger flared up in his chest. How dare those human filth touch Yuuri. He turned to that same filth he was forced to call a brother and glared.   
“How could you let this happen to him, Lord Weller? He is your king, and you failed your most basic job,” his words stung deep. Conrad knew it was true. It was his fault. He should’ve been there sooner. He should’ve stopped them. “You don’t deserve to stand by his side.”  
Conrad remained silent, his face a chiseled mask hiding his emotions. Without a word, he headed towards the large bedroom door to leave. Yuuri couldn’t move. His shoulders were shaking, his eyes were stinging, his heart was crying out. Don’t go. Stay. Hold my hand. Please. He tried to move his mouth, but nothing would come out. His skin was cold but his insides burned. It was nauseating. It was disgusting. He felt disgusting. He was disgusting.  
Wolfram leaned over to the little nightstand and poured a glass of water. He held it in front of Yuuri and tried his best to give a comforting smile. Yuuri didn’t move. The tears had finally started to spill over, silently dripping onto the bedsheets. Wolfram didn’t know what to do. Yuuri froze up whenever he was touched. What should he do? What could he even do? This was his fiancé he was talking about, he had to do something! He set the glass down on the nightstand and clicked his tongue. He was angry at those human trash who did this, he was angry at Conrad for allowing this to happen, he was angry at himself for not being able to do anything.   
He sat back down in the little chair next to the bed, and picked up the book he had brought with him, but never read. He opened it up and slowly started to read for Yuuri. He didn’t know if he was listening, or if he even cared, but it was all Wolfram could think to do. After a couple pages, he looked up to see Yuuri. His tears were dried in streaks down his cheeks, but at least no new tears were falling. Wolfram took that as a good sign and smiled as he kept reading. The book wasn’t anything special, just whatever he pulled off his shelf. It was actually kind of boring even, but Yuuri seemed to take solace in the spoken words as he slowly lied back down. Wolfram kept reading as his eyes started to slowly blink.   
“I can bring you a different book if you’d like. Just tell me what you’d want, and I’ll find something,” Wolfram watched as Yuuri started to return to his disconnected emotional state. His eyes were blankly looking up, not seeing what was there. There was no smile on his face, in fact, there was no expression at all. He didn’t look upset, or happy, or angry. He just...was existing.   
How long would it take for him to return to himself again? How long until he would return to the man he fell in love with again? How long? Wolfram wanted to hug him. He wanted to share their bed. He wanted to comfort him like that filthy half human does. What does his brother have that he doesn’t? Wolfram could learn baseball. He could help Yuuri with his morning workouts. He could be compassionate. So why? Why was Yuuri so infatuated with Conrad instead of him? Especially after he couldn’t even prevent this from happening?  
“No,” Yuuri barely whispered the words as he closed his eyes. “Whatever you enjoy.” Wolfram frowned as Yuuri silently fell into another restless slumber. He sat for well over an hour watching the young king tossing and turning, scrunching his face, mumbling odd consonants that he couldn’t quite put together to make sense, and contemplating. He quietly stood as to not disturb Yuuri, and slipped out the bedroom chamber. He smiled to himself as he retreated to his own room, searching for a small, leathered book. Yuuri would enjoy this one, and it even has simple words, so Wolfram could help him read a little too. Maybe, if he spends more time with him like that, Yuuri wouldn’t freak out at his touch anymore. He’d reach out to cling to his arm rather than Conrad’s. He’d seek out his comfort rather than Conrad’s. He’d be himself again.  
Wolfram smiled as he headed back to Yuuri’s chambers carrying a little book of fairytales.


	7. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri lashes out at Wolfram.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, can I drop out of college? My anxiety is starting to come back and class is just turning into one panic attack after another. I’m sorry that my updates are so short and widely sporadic, I’m a science major taking way too many credit hours to get my scholarships. In a perfect world, I would spend all my time writing and crying under my comforter with a cat. 
> 
> Enjoy your suffering.

 

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh

Pairing: Conyuu, WolfYuu

Disclaimer: I don't own anything 

Warnings: PTSD, Psychological projection, domestic violence?, angst

Mental

Ch 7: Monster 

    Time passed slowly, and all too quickly at once. It was an odd feeling. Yuuri was restless locked away in his chambers, late at night, when he’d awake from another jarring nightmare. The cold hands clasping around his throat, the constricting slickness around his chest and legs, the shooting pain up his spine as he felt the claws dragging against his bared flesh. It was a nightmare all too familiar, yet foreign to the young boy. Memories mixed with fears mixed with  _ which was real  _ and  _ which was fake _ ?  _ Did they really do that? What happened again? _ So he’d walk through the flowerbeds in the courtyard to calm his fears. Wolfram, who was always sitting next to his bed, would either still be asleep or given a direct order to stay and not follow. He would frown at the command, but listen regardless. Yuuri’s tone had changed to one that said it would be a bad idea to disregard the order. Harsh. Cold. Wolfram had never heard him speak like that before. It was unnerving. 

    Occasionally, Yuuri would find Conrad in the room, as well, or standing outside the door, or walking down the hall as if to pretend he was doing normal rounds when in fact, he had been watching his little brother and the king. Whenever he caught sight of the older man, he would tell him to walk with him, to which Conrad obliged. The knight had noted that it was never a question, “Will you walk with me?” but always a simple, commanding statement. Walk with me. No room for doubt. No room for denial. It was a gentle command, and a tone Conrad had never heard from Yuuri’s lips. Blunt. Cold. Even if Conrad wanted to say no, which he didn’t of course, he felt as if something bad would happen if he disregarded the order. Yuuri was by no means threatening him, but his military instincts told him otherwise. It was unnerving. 

    But he would silently walk by his side as Yuuri led them around the gravel path. He would stop by a different flower bed each night and crouch down, just watching the petals, or a caterpillar crawling up the stem. He wouldn’t say a word to Conrad. They just spent their night-time walks together in a comforting silence for Yuuri, or an awkward one for Conrad.  When Yuuri grew tired of the flowers, they’d walk over to the fountain gently sputtering water, and sit on the edge together. Silent. Separate. Comforting. 

    Conrad would watch the young king’s slow movements. His slow breaths. His empty eyes. His hand gently dipping into the water and the utter disappointment on his face when he wasn’t immediately enveloped in maryoku. He’d sit in silence, with his hand in the water, while Conrad watched. They would sit like this for hours, until Yuuri’s hand was pruning. They would sit like this until Conrad gently stood up and held out his hand for the young king, who would watch for a while before reluctantly taking the offer. Conrad would slowly lead him back to his bedchambers, holding gently onto his small hand, the entire way back, not knowing what to say to him. Yuuri couldn’t go back home again, and each night, the disappointment grew. 

    Still holding onto his calloused hand, Yuuri gently pushed open the bedroom door, and pulled Conrad in with him. This was new. Usually they’d part outside the closed door with a gentle hand squeeze and silent pleads for more,  _ more _ that neither one of them would act on. Conrad wondered, hoped, that he was taking the initiate for more, but nevertheless, cast away such thoughts. He was his king. He can’t be thinking these thoughts about him. Wolfram was still sitting in the same chair next to the bed before standing to confront his elder half-brother.

    “Lord Weller! Pray tell what you think you’re doing laying your hands on my fiancé!” He spat, hot and angry. Even the name of the half-breed tasted rotten on his tongue, especially after he  _ let _ those bastards do whatever they pleased to their king. His job was to protect Yuuri, and he failed. Wolfram knows he would have done a better job if he was there. He could have stopped them. He could have saved Yuuri. 

    “Wolf, it’s fine,” Yuuri listlessly said as he led Conrad into the room, still holding tightly to his larger hand. 

    “Yuuri! You’re only encouraging him, you damn chea-” Wolfram stopped before he finished the word, but Yuuri clearly understood what he was going to say. 

    “Please, by all means, finish your sentence. Tell me exactly what I am, Wolfram,” his voice was sharp and cold, like icicles prickling at his skin. 

    “Yuuri, I didn’t-”

    “Just know you’re wrong.”

    “Huh?” Wolfram just blinked as Yuuri sat down on the soft bed, still holding onto Conrad’s hand. 

    “I can’t cheat on you because I would have to actually love you to do that,” Yuuri said flatly as he stared past Wolfram’s blond locks. He gaped his mouth open, and even Conrad’s mask broke for a second with his shock.

    “B-But! We’re engaged!”

    “On accident. We’ve only stayed ‘ _ together’ _ because of your pride,” he motioned his fingers as quotations around pride, just to show how much of a joke this engagement ordeal really was. “I don’t love you, Wolf, and we’re not even really together, so all those cheating accusations you always do are just annoying. Stop.” He ran his hand through his messy hair and sighed. He didn’t want to hurt Wolfram, he really didn’t, but he also was just too tired, too on edge, to be able to deal with his extravagance right now. He wanted to be left alone with Conrad. He wanted to lay in bed and listen to his heart beating quietly, comforting. He wanted to get some damn sleep for once this week, but Wolfram has been guarding him like a piece of meat and Yuuri just  _ could not _ deal with him anymore. 

    “You can’t mean that!” Wolfram shot up, angry and desperate. Not together? What was Yuuri thinking? Wolfram  _ loved _ him. He loved him. And he was not going to let Yuuri end it just like that, he wasn’t in his right mind right now. The trauma of his capture was getting to him. He wasn’t thinking straight. “You're just having second thoughts because of those human bastards! Just because they did that to you doesn't mean I love you any le-”

    “Wolf,” Yuuri’s voice was tired. Strained. 

    “Is it because of those humans? Is it because I call you a wimp? Is it beca-”

    “Wolf, please.”

    “Is it-Is it…” Wolfram was panicked, his voice rising in pitch, desperately searching for the reason Yuuri stopped loving him. And then he saw exactly why. “It's you,” he spat as he pointed a finger and angry eyes in Lord Weller’s direction. 

    “Wolf, n-” Yuuri stared before being interrupted. 

    “You did this you filthy mutt! You let him be attacked! You stole him away from me! Did you plan this? Did you knowingly let him get taken so you could be his savior? Did you lock him away in that cabin so he had to depend on you?! What kind of sick bastard are you using him like that?!” His words were sharp and vicious, but Conrad made no attempt at denial. He quietly stood by His Majesty’s side, still holding onto his hand. Yuuri was still trying to talk him down, and Conrad let him do this. He had known for a while now that Yuuri never loved his brother, and as terrible as that may be, it filled him with a guilty hope. No. Stop. He quickly pushed those thoughts away. Yuuri needed him as a protector. Not a lover. This fight was between his brother and the king, not him. He had no reason to be here except for that small hand still clutching to his fingers. If Yuuri wanted him there, then he would stay. He was only here for Yuuri, no other reason. 

    “Wolf, plea-” Yuuri tried again. Conrad could feel the tension in his voice, the anger rising up. He'd never heard that tone in his voice before, but it seems like Wolfram was ignoring it in his rage. 

    “You let him get  _ raped  _ you sick bast-”

    “WOLFRAM!” His ringing voice silenced the blond. His ringing voice shocked Conrad. His ringing voice would have unnerved himself, but he was too tired, too exhausted, too tormented by bloody nightmares and phantom hands on his body to care anymore. He was changing, more commanding, more like the king he is, but...was that really for the best? “Get out of my sight. We will discuss this tomorrow after you've cooled your head.” His face and voice made Wolfram falter, but he was not going to give up that easily, not after everything he's done to be with him. Not after he fell in love. 

    “We most certainly are NOT! You can’t ju-”

    “Wolfram.” His voice was harsh and cold. Unnerving. Even Conrad felt the sense of dread that filled the room after that single word. “Leave.”

    If he was in his right mind, Wolfram would have left. His senses were on fire, scared, terrified, anxious. His body told him to be ready for a fight. Yuuri had never made him feel like this before, so he should have left. But he was angry, betrayed by his own brother, by his fiancé, how could he just leave? 

    “Yuuri, I'm no-”

    “That's an order, Wolf.”

    “No! I'm n-”

    “Get out of my sight!” Yuuri erupted. Angry. Cold. Harsh. The water pitcher by the bed was trembling and his body was giving off such a harsh energy that even Conrad could feel it. It made them feel a tightness around their stomachs and suddenly fear made the words cling to their throats. Wolfram froze. Conrad recovered quickly, and gave the young king’s hand a squeeze to calm him down. It would have worked too, but Wolfram was stubborn, even in the face of an angry king.

    “Yuu-”

    “Stop!” His power erupted uncontrolled along with his anger and words. The water pitcher on the nightstand shattered, and needles of water shot through the air, directing their stinging barrage in Wolfram’s direction. Water shot past his face, slicing the flesh. Thin tendrils of blood dripped down his cheek as he froze at the sudden attack. His maryoku was suffocating, even to Conrad who possessed none at all. Wolfram was speechless. Frozen. Terrified. 

    “...Yuu...ri…” he barely whispered as the king collapsed back on the bed. He rested his head in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. What had he done? He didn't mean to hurt Wolfram emotionally, much less physically. He was a monster. He was a monster. 

    “Please, Wolf. Just go.” He barely whispered through clenched teeth, and this time, Wolfram silently exited, closing the heavy door behind him with a soft  _ clunk _ . It was just Conrad and Yuuri now, the former still standing by the bedside and the latter silently shaking as his eyes stung. What was he doing? How did things spiral out of control like this? Wolfram probably hated him now. He was a monster. 

    “Yuuri,” Conrad gently consoled as he sat on the bed next to his king. 

    “What have I done Conrad? I didn’t even know I  _ could _ do that?” His voice broke and it was then that Conrad was reminded just how young Yuuri really was. He was still a child, and he was falling apart. His shoulders were shaking, and Conrad could see the tears pouring down his face when he lifted his head in a desperate plea. So Conrad did what he always does. He smiled his most reassuring smile and gently wrapped an arm around his shaking shoulders. Yuuri froze for a second before relaxing into the touch. He turned and tightly wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist and let loose his sobs. 

    Conrad wrapped his arms in turn and laid the two of them down in bed. Yuuri was crying and mumbling inconsolable things, and Conrad listened, gently stroking his back and brushing the hair out of his eyes. 

    “I’m a monster.”

    “No, you’re not, Yuuri.”

    “Wolfram hates me.”

    “No he doesn’t, Yuuri.”

    “I was just so tired and he-he kept…he just…”

    “I know, Yuuri. It’s okay,” he squeezed the boy tight, and for a second, he was going to kiss him. But Yuuri doesn’t need a lover right now. He needs a friend. Comfort. Reassurance. Conrad can be that. He has to for his king. For his love. So he held him close, his head pressed against his chest, and watched the young boy slowly, shakily drift off to sleep. 

    Yuuri leaned against his broad chest and listened to his strong heartbeat. It was solid and rhythmic. Calming. Encouraging. Peaceful. He nuzzled against him, the hot tears still slightly stinging in his eyes, but Conrad’s arms wrapped around him was comforting. Nice. Relaxing almost. After a week of sleepless nights, Yuuri was finally able to fall asleep listening to the lull of his heart, the guilt of his escapade with Wolfram barely registering itself in the back of his mind. 

    And for the first time since he was kidnapped, the nightmares never came.  


End file.
